I don’t talk much about our child who has special needs because it somehow feels like a betrayal or me telling a story that only he should tell. But, last night was a doozy for us and it was a doozy for all of us. His special needs is a story for all of us to tell. I woke up this morning, exhausted and frankly, feeling sorry for myself and this “burden” we carry. And the endless tape keeps running through my head, “What can I do to change him? What am I doing wrong? What is the one missing piece that I need to “fix” him?” Over and over and over because I see him and his needs as a problem to be fixed. I am ashamed that I think that way. Because if I really think about it, I love this boy wholly and completely. He is not a problem. In fact, most of the time I am the problem because my frustration and anger always react first. Compassion rarely exists right at the surface so that it can be automatic. But I am working on it. Oh yes I am.
I love this devotion from Jesus Calling :
Make Friends with
The Problems In Your Life
Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me.
Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be.
The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me.